Trying Not to Fall Behind

It's hard to keep thigns on track.  I said I would try and do this blog daily -- that didn't happen.  I said I would re-start going to the gym -- that, too, didn't happen. 

The only thing that has happened has been that I have been attentive and on-top of my school work, trying not to fall behind in what really matters while I am in grad school.  Not an easy thing in terms of the actual work, and the effects of the prioritizing of other elements of my life. This "knife in the back" is rusting, and my waist is ... wasted.

Ugh.

I tell myself that my bruised esteem will heal once I graduate -- when I will have more time for my own things.  But, will I?  As I consider the future ahead of me, it's hard to see it as anything but difficult: a single gay man working in the not-for-profits/arts community.  I joke about going right back to the corporate world -- but would that be a more steadfast choice?  I could afford the time and the membership to get to the gym that would help me meet the man that would help me secure a home that would keep me safe and secure.

I've done that before.  I was relatively happy -- but it is all relative. 

The insecurity of the theatre gypsy's life is rough, but fulfills in its own way.  This is still something I have to consider again.  It reminds me of when I was moving from Chicago to New York.  It is a similar leap, but I landed well in New York.  And while, this summer, I found home and security in Chicago - is it right for me?

Too many things to consider.

For now, the Brown/Trinity kids are on their way down to see our Alice vs. Wonderland at the Institute.  I'm looking forward to seeing them, and working with them on their readings in a few weeks of the nonsense plays.  Last weekend at the Steel Yard was fun, and put a lot of things in perspective for me.  So ... it will be nice to reconnect with them.

After that, though ... who knows.  Thesis, school, shows ... the list is growing.